The Dating Life

Shit, I did not think a lot of you would actually come back on here and read the blogs again. So thanks for everyone who comments or even reads this blog and tells a friend. It feels great to know many of you read this thing and actually enjoy it. The funny part is going to parties or just hanging with friends and my blog gets mentioned as gossip. Funny times... So thanks to everyone who spreads this like HIV in Africa. Too soon?

Anygay, the topic for today is dating. Dating is the scariest thing you can go through, except for maybe waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. If you haven't done so yet, I say you try that. It's kind of thrilling. Am I advocating un-protected sex? No, I'm advocating results of a pregnancy test. Don't be a daddy; cover your meat patty fellas. As I mentioned before, dating is a whole lot different than what I remember it as. Back when I was first single, it was "Hey, my mom is going to be picking us up and dropping us off at the movies." Texting messaging wasn't really the thing, it was AIM'ing/Instant Messaging, and the Power Rangers were still fighting on earth and not in space or another planet. Now you actually have to be on your toes. Literally, because if you're shorter than a girl, they get really weirded out if they're taller than you. Why? Because girls for some reason love to wear heels and if they wear them when they're taller than you, they end up looking like Bigfoot or Paul Bunyon... but with tits. There are so many different variables too with dating now adays then there was before. Prime example, when you first get someone's phone number. Now all this doesn't apply just to guys, girls are the same way. How many days do you wait to call them or text them? What do you say without sounding needy or pathetic? Do you find their Myspace/Facebook/or whatever other stalking social site there is out there and add them? These are all valid points and none of us seem to have the answer to any of this stuff. And don't bother asking friends for advice either because they're probably going to steer you the wrong way. For instance my buddy Dave, yes you made it into a blog dude. You ask him any question on dating and his answer is going to be "So when are you going to fuck her". I mean, it's hilarious at first but when you're completely serious about asking for help, asking the other sex you're interested in (or the same. what ever floats your boat or tickles your pickle) when we're going to bump uglies is kind of out of the question; Unless you meet them at a swingers party. But I think swinger parties are out of style.

Along with the friend’s portion of dating, don't ever let them set you up on Blind Dates. It's really nice of them that they care about you, but you're going to get really offended at how they see you with their choice of a date. I know I did. I got set up to go on a date with someone who had like one thing in common with me but yet, according to my buddy, we were perfect. "Hey Rick how was the date." "Hey Dave fuck you." "What man you two were perfect. She liked video games, watching tv, reading, kinda goofy, watching movies, doesn't like the sun." "Dude you just described a hermit/loser." "Well, yeah... I mean you're into that." "That's fucked up man." "Well did you fuck her?" Point taken, don't do blind dates or you too well shell out $83.23 on a lunch date and you only spent $30 bucks on food and enough booze to get you through an annoying conversation on how Harry Potter defies the laws of physics.

Dating is terrible. Now that I'm of age to drink and do the dirty deed, I gotta watch myself when I go out to bars. If I get too hammered, I have to worry about if this chick is really a chick. You don't want to go back to your apartment or pad and find out you two are going to go Medieval and Joust each other with your own personal swords. Cock fighting is illegal in California. So do I have any advice for any of you? Nope. I'm just as lost in this with all of you. Remember, you can't spell stud without STD.