A Day in the Life of Me...

So lately I’ve been trying to find different ways to entertain myself with all this free time I’ve been having and to not totally kill my love of writing this script/screenplay/autobiography/porn I’m doing. I had a little debate with a friend of mine who thinks his days were more unproductive than mine. So, to find out whose day was more unproductive and pretty much useless, we decided to keep a journal with us for the day and write down everything that we do. The following is a timeline of my day…I’m pretty sure you can be the judge that I won this one…

5:00- Woke up due to this dream I had. This bear was trying to Lucha Libre me and that freaked my mind out. He actually wore a mask. Once I was up, got up, decided the bed needed me more than I needed to pee so I went back to sleep.

7:10- Woke up for the second time today. This time it was due to my sister singing the tunes of High School Music. Don’t ask why I know what it was. Surprisingly enough, her singing put me to sleep…or a slight coma.

7:59- After realizing I was just clinically dead, got the phone and decided to call the bank. The day before, I found out that I had a fraudulent charge on my account. Someone pulled the impossible and withdrew $200 from my account Sunday night. Thankfully I was out that night with Anna, who I need to thank again for going out with me that night because now I have an alibi and receipts, not to mention a pretty fun night.

8:30- Still on hold with the bank…

9:00- …and still on hold….

9:10- After about an hour waiting for a person, the Bank of America associate transferred me to the wrong department…

9:30- I was transferred to Bank of America Mexico…Don’t really get how they got that name…anyways, still on hold

9:45- Finally transferred to the right department…unfortunately this department only verifies you are who you say you are. Then they had to transfer me to another department to file a claim…yay…

9:46-10:15- I don’t think it takes a psychic to figure out what I was doing…or where I was being transferred…

10:20 – Was investigated over the phone with all my charges from the weekend. They didn’t believe I was in Hollywood, which is weird because 5 minutes before I charged my card $2 for parking, “I” took out $200 in Pasadena. I don’t know if you have driven from Hollywood to Pasadena, but that’s like a 2 day drive. La traffic blows. What I don’t get is why do they have SO many departments for a bank. Just train every person to verify information and file a claim for you. This is why Americans hate Bank of America. I feel like if I argue against the bank then I’m considered a terrorist due to the banks name alone.

10:30-12:00- Went to the gym. So I don’t know what it is, the economy may be in the shit yet breast implants are in the rise? I’m noticing more and more females in the mid 30’s – 50’s have boob jobs at my gym. Now before the guy’s critize me for not liking boobs (which I totally do, although I’m an avid “butt guy”), it’s just a hard thing to deal with looking at faces like theirs (wrinkly and overly tan) then having to look at their breasts popping out. It’s like putting cheese on Chinese food. Sure it’s delicious when you put it on Italian, but it’s just not right on Chinese. That’s my case.

12:30-2:30- Watched my dogs fight over the couch. Debating if I should text a certain someone.

3:00- Finally took a shower. Yeah, I waited long. My dogs actually smelled me and started sneezing and coughing. That’s when you know you have to jump in the shower…

4:00-7:00- Watched the weather channel. I was trying to understand what’s been up with the weather. It’s like God was having a meltdown. First it’s sunny, then it started raining, then sunny while it rained. Today, it looks sunnier then Florida in the summer and you walk outside and my balls shrunk to the size of a raisin. Didn’t like it, didn’t like it one bit.

7:00-8:00- Trying to watch and give Kat Williams a chance on Comedy Central. Unfortunately I can’t get the punch lines to his jokes because he curses every other word. On top of that, the punch line is either him saying “Motha Fucka” or “I’m a real nigga”. I’m assuming it’s that because one, he’s black and that’s what black people say apparently, and two, Comedy Central doesn’t really do that whole censor lips thing. Still, it was getting a little annoying when all you hear is BEEP BEEP MOTHA BEEP GOD BEEP BEEP A NBEEP…

8:00-9:30- Went back to the gym. I don’t know what it is, the economy may be in the shit yet guys can afford HGH? Insert joke about putting cheese on Chinese food yada yada yada…Also old guys, stop walking around naked in the gym locker room. Seriously, knock it off. Every time I walk in that locker room and look at old man balls, I get the song “Do your ears hang low” in my head. Yes, I’m referencing ears to balls. Old guys, come on…it’s not pleasing to look at.

9:40- Got home and started writing blog…still debating about texting someone.

So pretty useless day. Tomorrow, at least I’m going to the mall. Holler

-Ricky