Good morning Star Bright, the earth says F You

I don’t know if anyone is like this, but I usually wake up with questions on my mind; like “What happened to the Geico Gecco?” “Is a cucumber really a better tasting pickle?” “What does Zima even taste like? What if I actually like Zima?” and “Why am I sexually attracted to Paula Dean from the Food Network? (I’m watching her cook this morning and she’s using a shovel to cook fried potato cakes. How is that not hot?)” But this morning, I woke up with one specific question “Seriously, what the F was that dream about.”…
Dreams are probably the greatest thing they can have. There’s all sorts of dreams like Being a Superhero Dream, saving a hot chicks life dream, winning a Nobel Peace Prize for finding the cure to destroy AIDS (Which by the way, if somehow you can separate the enzyme or chemical from Clorox that can kill HIV without killing everything else in your body then you just found the cure to everything. Bet you didn’t know that. Pa Pow!) or even a wet dream (Heidi Klum I’ll be seeing you tonight…and you’re twin.).Oh, and don’t let me forget those dreams where you know it’s a dream so you do anything you’ve ever wanted to do. I love those. Then, you get those dreams that absolutely make no sense what so ever. For instance, last night and throughout this morning was probably one of the weirdest dreams I had. So it starts off with me waking up…but I wake up on a cloud. So immediately I’m like, what the hell is going on. Next thing I notice, that everything is in bright colors and like that Splash Mountain kind of feel from Disneyland. So I wake up on this cloud and I look around and there’s just nothing but sunshine and other clouds. Out of nowhere in this deep voice I hear “Gooood Morning Ricky. Welcome!” So I turn around to see who it was and nothing. Then, “Over here Ricky. Ha Ha Ha (Like Count Chocula style)” I see this cloud all of a sudden pop these huge eyes and mouth out of nowhere and it just starts talking to me. By now, I’m freaking out because I don’t do drugs at all, but my brother did come back from Washington DC. DC is known for having a crack problem so maybe some homeless guy bumped into him, had a little crack dust get on my brother so when my brother handed me a shirt he bought, I must have gotten a sprinkle of the drug and somehow snorted it while I slept. Far fetched? I don’t think so. So this cloud is telling me crazy cloud stories about how he tries to ruin weddings and graduations or just tries to get entertained by watching how we drive in the rain (because people lose their minds when it starts pouring while we drive). I’m sitting there like in awe because 1) a cloud is actually talking to me and 2) I just figured out clouds are douche bags. Then this like huge gold escalator comes out of nowhere and goes into this bright light. I’m assuming it was heaven cause the cloud was like “Oh shit, God is going to be pissed I’m not at my post. You gotta get out of here.” I’m looking at the cloud and then he says. “Oh yeah, you have no idea where to go.” I ask the cloud “Dude am I dying? I mean… the whole gold escalator and the heaven thing. I’m having a heart attack right now back in my real body right?” “No idi-ass you’re not. I needed someone to talk to. The other clouds are gay and all they do is float here and block the sun, make it rain and snow… all the properties that clouds do that you learned back in school. I’m different. I like to mess with people. Anyways, just jump off and you’ll be back in bed.” So I said my goodbyes to the cloud and jumped off the cloud. Now, sometimes when I sleep or have a dream, I get this weird chill in my body and jump up and I’m back in my bed stuck trying to find out what time it is. So I get up to get a drink of water and all of a sudden I hear a “Chee, come here.” I look outside and my backdoor is open. I thought it was my dad because the chee was like a Mexican “chee”. The girls know what I’m talking about since they get whistled at by my brothern all the time. I walk outside and a possum is just sitting there looking at me. I start to freak because I hate possums. They look like they want to rape me. Have you ever heard two possums mate? I did like a year ago and it has stuck with me since. It’s nasty. Like weird possum screams and heavy breathing. Back to the dream…so this possum is like “What’s up man. How’s it going?” “Um, do I know you possum?” “Yeah man, the name is Billy. Me and my old lady were the ones that made love behind your room.” “Oh…great. Thanks for never letting me throw wood ever again. Kind of creepy… So why am I talking to a possum.” “Oh yeah I’m here for a reason…um…go for it.” “Go for what.” “Just go for it. Don’t let it slip.” “I have no idea what you’re talking about dude.” “I don’t know either, I just thought it would be life affirming and something would spark. You did just come back from finding your gay self right?” “What’s up with people calling me gay? I’m straight.” “Yeah cause straight guys go to Santa Barbara to ‘Find themselves’. Grow some balls buddy. The ones on me are bigger than yours.” “Why are you such a dick in my dream possum?” “Because you still have low self-esteem.” “True.” Out of nowhere you just hear “Ohhh Billy” then the possum looks at me, actually smiles and says “Oh man that’s the Mrs. Alright, when you wake up, I’m really sorry.” “What?” next thing I know I blink and I’m in bed… and I wake up to possums going to town again. I roll up the window blinds and just yell out “F you Billy. F you.” Then my mom walks in and asks why I’m yelling at a possum and why am I naked. So there you have it, a weird ass dream I know nothing about. Sad thing is this isn’t my weirdest dream to date. Anyone have any clue as to what the hell this was about? I already have a bet with someone saying I’m going to get like 5 comments that I’m gay, which I’m not. I love the female anatomy…a lot.

Xoxo
-Ricky

Playlist for the day...
Attack Attack -- Someday Came Suddenly
Four Year Strong -- Rise or Die Trying
Ace Enders -- Various tuneskies