super cool iPhone since I'm waiting around for the next class.
I've been hearing a lot more of the saying "you're life is like a
movie.". I don't know if it's the fact that I took up screenwriting or
if my life is kinda like "The Truman Show", but I've been kind of been
thinking about it more and more. I mean, it's kinda true. I know
cougars have been on the rise on the "Things you gotta do before you
die." chart. As well as they should. But have any of you actually done
it with an older person? Or elderly I should say? Well don't believe
the hype. Just because people say that all gum is better doesn't mean
it's true. If you wanted that feeling of a 67 year old woman named
Mabels giving you a good ol fashion butter churn, just go eat a banana
and don't throw away the peel. Yes, you can thank me later fellas. On
top of that, when you are giving it to them in their plastic covered
bedding, the safety railing on the side of the bed get in the way from
you moving around. Again, don't believe the hype of cougars. Stick
with the prego woman because like I heard someone said "they are the
turduckets of women.".
Other than my weird dating lifestyle, I can't seem to get a job. I get
a ton of interviews but none seem to patch out in the end for me. This
guy asked me "What can you bring to this company?" my answer was "Um I
don't know. Probably my Xbox or a stapler? I don't really have a lot
which is where you come in." I had this other interview where I know I
didn't get the job for sure. When they actually ask you "What are you
wearing." during an interview and your answer is "Sorry Sir/Mam.
Karate class ran a little late today." it's a sign you didn't get the
job.
As far fetched and movie like as it is, I'm starting to realize why
everyone has been telling me that. So when does the bus load of
Playboy models stop next to me and ask me to be their lotioner or
someone gives me a 3 minute speech about how they like me while it's
pouring rain outside?
-Ricky
Sent from my iPhone
17 comments:
holy shit I can not stop laughing haha
Don't give out the banana peel secret!!! Ha you are hilarious.
Didn't you use this joke on your set a few weeks ago? You killed it that night! My boyfriend and I wanted to meet you but you left early. You are hilarious Ricky. :)
Yay I love new blogs! If you're going to start writing your stand up on here, you should do more of the dating jokes like the friends zone or the suicide hotline. =]
Ps. Alexis is right. You always take off after a show. Meet your fans!
What are you talking about! 60 year olds can rock that shit.
Youre a fucking faggot and a pervert. The only girls you can get are old dirty hags. What's a matter? Can't get girls your own age?
I would definately hire you if you came in wearing a Karate suit. Ha
You are such a dork. Although kisses in the rain are amazing.
I know this is sick...but a warm banana peel works best.
Chris Carrabba called. He wants to write a song about this.
Your life is a movie dude. You have the weirdest shit that happens to you.
I wanna live your life. Just for one day.
The day some chick gives you that speech is the day I take you out for a feast of beers and food. Luckily, that won't happen. Burnnn
You better write the 67 year old sex scene in your script. Ha
I'm gonna have to agree, your life is pretty intense. You always have funny stories.
I remember you telling me you wanted to do movies so you can pick the soundtrack.
Hahaha. This is a great wake me up thing to read. O ricky, someday.
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