A Day with Grandma...

So the other day I spent some time with my Grandma. Pretty exciting times. Honestly, if you ever want to feel good about yourself, hang out with an old person. I was in the area the other day and my mom called me to let me know my grandma was feeling a little lonely since my grandpa went out for the day. I'm assuming he went out to the titty bar again but to each their own right? As I walk through that door, my grandma had this surprised look on her face to see me. I don't know if she was surprised to see that someone stopped by, or that she had just made fudge in her pants. Either way, I felt like she was glad to see me. I asked her if she wanted to go to the store or if she had any errands she wanted to do and I could drive her around and she obliged and let me take her to this outdoor mall by her house. As we're walking around the stores, I was kind of browsing at some shoes in the window. Next thing I know, I forgot I was with my grandma and kind of freaked out cause I couldn't find her. Then I heard her little Hispanic giggle and knew she was a few stores down. As I wobbled down, I noticed she was looking through a store window with this perplexed look on her face. I walked over to see what she was looking at and I noticed the neon lit store sign and instantly knew this was going to be bad. My grandma asked what the item was in the window and I was afraid to look. There was this red satin heart in the back ground with a 12in black dildo on a glass pedestal... shaped like another penis. I didn't know what to say so I just told her it was a baton and that cops shopped here. She said "Oh ok Mijo" and I decided to take her back home. Once we got to her house, I decided to try out the new Lazy Boy chair her and my Grandpa bought. Holy shit it felt like I was rufied about a minute after I sat down on it. I woke up scared and confused, my clothes were all disheveled, I felt dirty...it's a great chair. Once I woke up, I decided to make some food. You know that saying "Kids say the darndest things"? Get you an old person and check out the shit they say. I opened the fridge and out loud I said "I wish there was something here to make a sandwich.” Next thing I know, I hear my Grandma say "Mmm...a wish in one hand and shit in another." I just looked up and couldn't believe what I just heard so I just threw the lettuce back in and laughed. We decided to bbq instead since my Grandma loves eating steak. As I was making rice and steaming vegetables, my Grandma was trying to cut the meat and says "Aye this is harder then wang" I kid you not. It was insane. I just sat there shaken my head thinking poor Grandpa. You're not supposed to chew the wang Grandma. And then she plays these mind games with me it's pretty hilarious. I'll be sitting there waking up from my rufie induced sleep on that Lazy Boy and she'll say "It's nice out today. I think I'm going to clean out the garage." She's like 85, she's not going anywhere. It means I'm going to be cleaning out the garage. But I kind of outsmarted her after hearing her say things a few times. That day I hung out with her she said "Mijo, I think I'm going to go out and plant those flowers I have in the back." I looked at her and said "Oh gee Grandma, I think today you were going to go to the Drs. and getting your prescription weed and taking me to Hooters." She sits back and puts her hands on her head and says "Oh that's right." It's funny too because when I take her to her doctor’s appointments, they'll give her vicodin for anything. Chapped lips; a silo of vicodin. Ashy hands; a barrel of vicodin. It's insane. Anyways, that's my day with Grandma. Word...

-Ricky