It's been a long time...

since I've written a little blurp about what's been going on. Um...what a week I can tell you that much. I had a little stand up show for a bunch of celebrities and rich folk in Beverly Hills, what a treat that was. Honestly, I'm still on cloud 9 and It's been like 4 days since it happened. There's been a lot going on with the world. The first Presidential debate happened last Friday, playoffs for Baseball start tomorrow, and I think I finally got my crabs taken care of. There's stuff about politics I really don't get. I get all the lying, don't get me wrong. I think it's ok to lie just a tad when the moment is right. Like telling your kids Santa is real or telling the struggling actress you met at the bar that your best friend is a movie producer. But to start lying that the majority of Americans like you to be President? That's a little absurd. Over the weekend McCain was talking to a group of journalist and one of them asked him how he felt about coming 2nd in the polls to Obama and he stated that "My campaign don't feel that poll is accurate considering what we see and read on the internet thanks to websites. We are in favor to win this election". Huh? Really? The majority of Americans want you, a guy whose probably going to die during inauguration to the celebratory gunshots because you'll have a flashback of 'Nam and have a heartattack while screaming "Kill the gooks", is going to win. You gotta be shitting me. Oh hey, Jesus and Hitler were actually second cousins. Sarah Palin gave Bigfoot a blowjob while she was hunting in Alaska. It comes from a website, so it must be true. McCain, you're an idiot.

My Thoughts to Your Response

Holy shit, I did not think I would get a lot of you to actually e-mail me or send me a message through Myspace with a million topics. Literarily, I counted a million. It took me all day. Um…so let’s see, where should I start….

“Why don’t you talk about lesbians”…Steph
I’ve only lived about 22 years on this earth and at the ripe old age of 13, when I first saw my first pair of giant big gulps (boobs, double whoppers, bahama mammas), I came to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people on the earth. You either love lesbians, or you kind of like them. That’s it. If you say you don’t like it, I’d call you a liar. Lesbians are by far the greatest group of people in my eyes. Even greater then strippers, but I digress. There’s nothing more beautiful than a women. Unless you know, she’s like 87 with saggy boobs and f-ed up teeth and can honestly admit she invented the hand job. Women are beautiful. Guys know it, girls know it, God knows it, Ronald McDonald knows it, Mayor McCheese knows it, and everyone knows it. See, there’s stuff about women that guys can never amount to. As best said by my awesome friend Dom, “Women have vaginas and we control the universe”. You girls have the option to smell like anything in the world and that excites me. One day you can smell like vanilla bean ice cream, the next you can smell like green apples. You guys can no joke, smell like I’m walking into a bakery and I love it. On top of that, you have all these moisturizers and creams and lotions that make your skin feel smoother than my greasy face. Then you have boobs and asses. It’s a Tri-fecta of absolute stunning-ness. So what makes a woman better? Adding another one into the mix. See, that’s why lesbians are probably the best thing on this earth. I would give my life, just to see you chicks go at it. Sure, call me a perv, call me a freak, hell call me a creep, but there’s something about two girls enjoying each other’s company and I love that, America loves it, and other lesbians love it. Almost as much as I love cheeseburgers. You know what they say, 4 boobs are better than 2. I’m all for the lesbians so let it be written, so let it be done.

” uuum uum, strip club blues, sitting in traffic, orange sticks ,azn drivers, old driversuuum, john cusak, girls that dance with ONLY their girl friends at clubs, blacks that talk way to much about god knows what, growing up ,growing nuts, guy rollerskaters, gay rollerskaters, why girls dress slutty but swear their notuuum, good movies staring nobodies, changing up your life schedule, starting a HXC acoustic band, blow job marathons, justin timberlake”…Drew

God Damn Drew…I don’t even know where to start…Um…I’ve been wanting to vent about Justin Timberlake for the longest time so I’ll svtart off there. Justin Timberlake is the biggest cock block I know. I don’t know him personally per say, but he’s cock blocked me as well as everyone other guy on this earth. So obviously you know that Justin is trying to bring sexy back. But why does he have to bring it back the way he’s doing it? The dude can dance, sing, has great looks, and great personality. I can’t compete with that. Justin, if you ever run into this blog, I can’t compete with you and you’re making it hard to get mine. I just don’t get why he doesn’t help out the common man. Couldn’t bringing sexy back add like maybe a couple of pimples, slight round belly, maybe being a nerd? I don’t get why he has to outdo us and dance and sing and whatnot. So come on Justin, help out your common man. Stop cock blocking me with your toe tapping and incredible singing.

For the hardcore acoustic band, I want to be called Acousticore (If you click the link, it's actually little project I did like 2 years ago haha) and I want our first single to be called “I support drunk driving because if you crash your car and killed a baby, you might have killed baby Hitler and saved the world one more time from harm” or ISDDBIYCYCAKABYMHKBHASTWOMTFH for short.
I’ll get on the rest later Drew, that’s a lot of stuff…

“Hey, I want to hear your thoughts on either the current state of Russian political affairs, viable public transportation options for the urban and greater Los Angeles region, or possible solutions to California’s budget crisis. Yours Forever, Michael D. Joy”

First off Mr. Joy, I’m glad you asked. I’ll start with Russia. Russia… the cold land, abundance of vodka, and mail-order brides. Nothing can be better than current day Russia. And who do we have to thank, Russian politics. You see Michael, as I’m sure you are already aware, Russia has insured that all powers in the country is Presidential. You can thank ex-president Vladmir Putin. You’re probably asking yourself “What the fuck does that mean” and I can honestly tell you, I have no idea. I just Wikipedia it to make myself look like I know what I’m talking about. I know that the new president Dmitry Medvedev just bought a bunch of new weapons in response to us arming Georgia. What does that mean? Who knows, maybe another cold war. I just know is that I’m scared as shit because I don’t want to have some Russian come to my country and after shooting a friend telling me “If he dies, he dies” like that dude in Rocky. That’s scary in itself.
I’m going to tie in the Californian budget and public transportation into one. As being a fellow Southern Californian, transportation is probably the biggest issue here. There are too many illegal aliens driving so that screws us who have a real license and didn’t buy it off Jose from McArthur Park. The best thing that I’ve taken is the Metro. The Metro is the best thing I’ve ever done. Need to go to Hollywood, jump on the Metrolink and take the Metro Gold line for like 5 bucks. That saves you so much money in gas. What can you do with that saved money? Probably buy pot. And where you can buy pot? From 7-11 because the state should legalize Marijuana and tax it so it would help cut down the state budget crises. I’m going to go ahead and say it already, Arnold (our governator) is a moron. He couldn’t be any more retarded. The Retarded Policeman from YouTube can run this state a whole lot better than this guy. These lawmakers are stupid because their way of “trying to fix the crisis” is by raising College Tuition. If us college kids weren’t broke already from buying pot, there’s no way in hell we can afford to go to school. So how does raising my school tuition and me dropping out as well as other kids who can’t afford school, get the state money? If we drop out from school, and no offense to anyone, I’m probably going to end of being a lifer at Footlocker or Disneyland getting paid a ridiculously low amount of money degrading myself to little shit kids who want to ride Little Nemo 8 times in a row and scream and cry about it. Why not lower tuition, which will in turn cause more people to go to school and get a degree and obtain a good career with a high paying salary, then tax the hell out of us once we are rich and established. We’ll have a good job, so we won’t care and thus getting the state money. But I’m a 22 year old Hispanic male so what do I know. I’m supposed to be a farm worker.

“How’s the single life working out and what do you look for in a girl?”….Jennifer

Well Jennifer thanks for taking the time to e-mail. According to a comment I saw in the last blog, I’m a lesbian so I’ll tell you what I look for in the same sex. While I was having “girl-talk” over the weekend, I was told I have high-expectations. I denied it at first, but after looking at myself, I have expectations. Obviously, looks have somewhat of an importance because as a girl, and my other sista’s can agree, it takes a woman 15 seconds to determine if she’s going to sleep with you. So, you gotta look good at that first impression. Honestly though, I’m really not all that picky. I like a girl who likes long walks on the beach, reading mystery novels by a fireplace, and feeding bon-bons to one another while listening to Rod Stewarts “If you think I’m sexy”. If you can tell from this blog, a girl who has a great sense of humor is a huge plus to me. There are maybe a few girls that can honestly make me laugh ridiculously hard in my life. Obviously a chick who’s not a psycho would add to the mix. Someone who doesn’t mind being spontaneous once in a while instead of sitting at home watching re-runs of the Simpsons, although that too is great. Tattoos, glasses, and piercings are perfect. I feel like I’m writing a profile for Match.com. That has to be last thing any single guy or girl needs to do before just going to the garage and hanging yourself. That or Craigslist. I usually find my dates on Craigslist under Missed Connections. For those who don’t know, Missed Connections is where you go to write about someone you wanted to have a connection with in a real life situation but you let it slip. So you come to this part of the site in hopes of fate coming into play and having that very same person go on there and reading what you wrote. 100% of the time, it’s going to be a person of the opposite sex just trying to find love. And that’s where I go to take advantage of it. There was this posting that said “You: In line at Vons on Sunset and La Brea. Hispanic, maybe in your 20’s. Me: White shirt that day and behind you while you were picking out fruit and I was over hearing your funny phone conversation” so I replied back, knowing it wasn’t me and faked the whole thing e-mailing her “Oh my god, that’s so strange I knew you would be writing on here” and had the greatest weekend ever. I eventually just told her that I was moving to Iraq to fight the war on terror. So now my buddy gets nudy pictures of this chick while he’s in the army, and I’m left with the memories. It’s a win win. But I’m basically just looking for a cool chick who’s into music, artsy stuff, and being cool.

There’s a bunch more of you that sent me e-mails and stuff on myspace so I’ll be checking those out later on.
iBlogBetterThanYourMom@gmail.com

xoxo
-Ricky
Currently Listening to
Vampire Weekend

Got Questions, Comments, Concerns??

So I'm usually the go to guy for advice and I thought I'd throw some advice to you all on here. I'm a little wrapped up with work, school, and filming so if you want me to hear me rant about a particular topic or have a question in general, feel free to send them to iBlogBetterThanYourMom@gmail.com and I'll post them up on here along with my words of thought. I figure I'd let you guys have something to do with this site. Holler at a player....

-Ricky

Here's some advice...

Yeah don't jump in a bed with two girls. They punch and scream. Not
good, not good at all. Can someone call my mom for bail money

Sent from my iPhone

How Ricky Got His Groove Back...

...and by groove I mean dancing. Although my dream of going to bed
with two ladies is kinda coming true (even though both of those girls
are in the same bed and I'm sleeping with my guitar). So far, so good.
For most of those who don't know me, I don't dance. I think when God
decided to make people, then distinguished who was going to be fat and
skinny, I don't think he thought about giving fat people rythem, which
I have none. However I do a kick ass robot. My friends Steph and
Hannah decided to take me to this thing called Street Scene. At first
when I heard it, I instantly thought "fuck Heist, I don't do clubs".
They then informed me it was a concert. I thought I would be hangin
around a bunch of scene kids and listen to a ton of hardcore bands.
Turns out, I was way off. First little band we saw was Hot Chip. It's
safe to say Hot Chip is Hot Shit. They set the mood to what I was
getting my feet into. After walking around aimlessly and spinning
minature TPIR (The Price is Right) wheels, we made it to this band
called Diplo (or Dildo who knows). For once in my life I danced. I
remember seeing Stephs face like I just took a shit on a Grandma and
she was amazed by my dancing. I make Michael Jackson look like Malcom
X when I get down. So after sweating off the poundage, we made our way
over to a few other bands and danced the night away. I don't think
I've ever danced this much in my life. I'm sure if my feet could talk,
they'd probably tell me to go fuck myself for moving all that weight
around. Well I'm gonna go to sleep, I'm watching infomercials on the
Shamwow and I gotta call 1-800-Shamwow to order and I get a free pair
of knives that cut steel. Also, I gotta figure out how to get in the
same bed as the girls. I don't know if I should wait until they're
asleep or just ask him. I'm lonely in this bed. Ha.

Sent from my iPhone

-Ricky

Goodbye Fat, Hello Skinny (Well, kinda)

Editors Note- If you haven’t already, please take my blog with a grain of Salt. I really don’t mean to offend anyone but if I do, take a step back and look into your own humor and see if it’s there. If it’s not, look up your ass because I’m sure it’s there. Actually, move that stick that’s up in your ass or take it out then the humor will flow out. The Following is a “Dear John” letter to my Fat and a love letter to my future Skinny Self. This has no other meaning, it’s just a joke. I borrowed the idea from my new found friend Jeanette who writes a blog on http://tragedyofleaves.blogspot.com/ the best form of flattery is stealing. So I stole this haha. Enjoy


Dearest Fat,
As you can see, we've been kind of going through a different time in our lives and we're at different places in what we want to achieve with our current relationship. I know you can kind of assume where I'm heading with this letter but it's much more then that. It's a bigger meaning than you and I and somehow, you just need to grasp it. Listen, Fat, I love you. Probably more than I love anything in this world. I love the way you make me feel on a cold wintery night. I love how I can lay down, watch a movie, and place a nice cold brewski on you without hearing you complain. I love how you make me feel when I see you having pleasure with Fried Foods. I know it's a little weird but I love it. I love you so much that even the smell of you tickles me and creates this salivation in my mouth that only you can do. You're one of a kind. But...like most things in life, "the good things come to an end". I know, I hate clichés too because they really are just a stupid pun to make the other person understand because you don't but it's true. You've been holding me down for quite some time and I need you to kind of back away. I need air, I need to breathe. It's just...it's not me, it's you. You do these things to me that I hate myself for doing afterwards. I know I'm coming off a little harsh Fat but it's true. I feel dirty after I have my way with you. The sad thing is, I kind of feel like a hooker after she exits that motel room. I know what they go through and I honestly never wanted to feel so used and violated. That's what hurts me the most. You say you love me, but you hurt me. On top of that, you cock-block me. You don't understand how hard it is to talk to someone literally half the size of you. You don't know because you are kept hidden. I want to wear bright colors Fat and you won't let me do that. There's only so much black I can wear that can hide you. I bought a striped shirt that's pretty bad ass and I can't even wear it because stripes make you stand out. I'm sorry I'm getting so angry but you've been with me since I was in the 4th grade. My buddy Sloppy Joe introduced me to you and then it was love at first sight. So Fat...I need to move on. To quote Robert Frost, I "need to take the road less traveled" and that means a road without you. I'm sorry Fat, but I need to do this. You do things where my mouth might like, but my ass needs an explanation as to what is going on up there. Like most break ups, we might run into each other and if I'm up for it, I might want to catch up with you and see how you're doing and who knows, maybe we'll have the break up hook up some time in the future and we have a threesome with Colonel Sanders and his chickens but right now, I need to move on. Take care Fat, I love you and this separation is going to be hard, but always know that some kid in Africa would love to meet you.

One Love,
Ricky



Dearest Skinny,
I finally did it. I broke it off with Fat. I don't know if you got my e-mail, text message, or phone calls but I did it. Now we can move on. I know life is going to be a little better just cause of the fact that I can probably play sports a lot better or fit in a swing set, but I'm glad you're around. You make me feel young again and I haven't felt that in such a long time. Don't get me wrong, I know we had a secret affair when we were on that indoor soccer team together or got the Nintendo Wii and worked out, but it wasn't the same as what we have now. I don't want me to be clingy or anything either, I'm just kind of new to this whole thing. It's going to take time for each of us to get to know one another and that's fine. I'm glad I'm going to have you as my wing(man?) Skinny. Unlike Fat, you're pretty outgoing. I just don't want to bug you but I want you to know I'm happy with what's in store for us. I just want to apologize and if I screw up and flirt with Fat, but it's just because Fat's been with me for so long that we have this connection. I mean, Fat encouraged me to eat 33 wings in one sitting to beat my friend Mark. I don't know if Fat cared about my well-being or what but that night I was dying. So I'm terribly sorry if Fat whisks me away for a night. I'm just glad you're cool with it and I promise if Fat does make me eat a ton of pizza or chips or candy or fried rice or whatever, I know you'll be there with open arms to get me back into shape with tough love. Tough love, that's something Fat didn't do for me. So thank you Skinny, I'm glad to have you and I like forward to our transition.

xoxo,
Ricky

First Major Setback...and Single Life

Alright, so with every great event, there always comes a set back. Genocide of Jews before D-Day, the death of Martin Luther King Jr before Civil Rights, the heartache of going from Mermaid to Woman back to Mermaid then back to Women in The Little Mermaid, and finally me. So after about 3 days of filming I was editing things on my computer last night and I don't know what I did but I deleted every single thing I've filmed. I'm not going to lie; it wasn't much considering the fact that all my ideas of making this great through out the window on Sunday. Nevertheless, I had made what I had into gold. So now, I basically have to start from scratch. And that's ok. Actually, it works out. My Thursday night class was cancelled completely for the semester so my sister and I are probably going to the fair. I can actually film my fair stuff that I wanted to do. On top of that, I never got to do an official weigh-in. I went to Target yesterday and bought Tailor Tape, a digital scale, and this thing called the Hydra Coach (which is f-in ridiculous). I think I'm going to do the weigh-in today with my family just to see their reactions, which wouldn't surprise me with what I'm going to hear. So I'm a little more prepared about what I'm going to do. Someone was asking me if I'm filming all my life aspects and if friends were going to be in it or whatnot. Um, not everything I do is going to be filmed. One, I don't have a camera crew because I'm really just a no one and two, I don't think you want to see me naked in the shower. Orrr do you? Anygay, as far as friends in it, more than likely yes. If you don't want to be in it that's fine I'll edit you out or give you one of those blurry faces kinda like what they do when little kids get touched by priests or whomever. So that's a little update with what is going on. I'm hoping by this weekend I can get something up online...

So the single life; what a whore that has been. Really, I'm not the one to be single. Probably because I've been in a relationship the majority of my post-pubescent life. To kind of give you my background, I was in an almost 5 year relationship (one month shy) boo hoo right? Everyone has break-ups so I'm kinda over that whole "woe is me" kind of phase. Shit happens, people move on or don't. Anyhoozle, I'm sure all of you have had a break up before and know the aftermath. You divide the things you both want and move on your separate lives. Some of you are left with old love letters, sentimental items, mix-tapes you made each other, photos, all that junk. In my case, I was left with weight. You don't realize how much weight you put on in a relationship because the other person doesn't want to get you pissed off and cause a fight, that will eventually lead to eating late at night because you didn't answer "how does my haircut look" right and food calms you down. The bad thing is, after you get past the sad phase and ready to meet other people, you're about 100 pounds heavier then you started, which makes it a little harder. See, I know some girls worry about guys cheating on them and/or lying to them about other girls. I'm not going to lie, but I probably will. It won't be on girls though. I'm going to lie about having a Chicken Sandwich or a Ben and Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream. I know the question of "Did you eat yet because I'm starving from working" will come up and I'm going to say "No, I'm starving too" as I'm on the phone with you eating a Pot Pie from Marie Calendars. It's going to happen. I'm sorry. I think that's why I'm trying to lose the weight is to stop lying to you girls about eating...
Also, the whole single life "game" has changed from when I first started. The last time I was single, I had to ask my mom for a ride to meet someone at the movies. Now, I can drive myself while under the influence. And the questions are so much harder to ask girls. Before it was just like "Man don't you hate math class?" or "Can you meet me by the gym at lunch?". Now it's "Um, are you sure you're a woman? And how well can you keep a secret if you're not". You don't understand how many times I've been at a bar and checked out a chick who then one of my friend’s points and says "Dude check out that chick. It's a guy" I didn't run into that back in freshman year. It sucks because when you finally take that girl home and you're ready and holding yourself, then she walks outta the bathroom holding herself and you're like "Holy shit, I think I'm about to joust" then the second thought is "I thought cock-fighting is illegal in California"...ha, then I wonder why I'm still single with this blog and the shit I write. Jesus Christ..


-Ricky
Current Playlist
Say Anything- People Like You Are Why People Like Me Exist
Thrice-DeadBolt
A Day to Remember- You Should've Killed Me When You Had The Chance
Tina Turner- Tiny Dancer

Addicitions

Before I begin with my rant, here's a little update with filming. I'm filming. That's an update. This losing weight thing is going to be harder than I thought. I played tennis yesterday with my buddy Baby Sinclair and damn. I wasn't at all feeling it yesterday but today it felt like a Gorilla raped me. I'm hurting everywhere. It sucks. I wish I was filming yesterday when we played because I thought I would be funny and jump over the net and spike the ball but when I jumped, my weight shifted over and gravity decided to throw me down and I ate shit. To me, it felt like I was falling at a 100 miles an hour but I'm sure it was all in slow motion. You lose your sense of speed when you're overweight. Anyways....
So I was talking to a friend of mine the other night about addictions. We all have them. Whether we are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, To Catch a Predator (I miss that show), we have them. We got into a huge argument when I made the statement that my addiction to cheeseburgers is worse than his addiction to cigarettes. It's harder to quit cheeseburgers than a pack of smokes. Now before you laugh, hear me out. Yes, you can decide to quit eating cheeseburgers with enough will power but that's all we have. When you decide to quit smoking, you have a plethora of options to help you in your quest to quit like patches or pills. When you see a commercial for Camel Joes, you can just get that patch and put it right on your arm and let the Nicoderm do it's thing. I see commercials of people screaming to get their whopper on hidden cameras and I can feel for them. It's not like I can take a pill and that's it. If anything, we are probably going to make a mistake and think it's a pill but it's a Cheeseburger Jelly Belly. Then we'd really get screwed over. My second point is, no matter how young you were when you started smoking, we started eating cheeseburgers a lot younger. You know you're mom would come home and hear you bitch and moan about how hungry you are and she'd go out and get you that Happy Meal just to shut you up. It's not like they're going to come home and say "Here this should calm you down" and toss you a pack. Case in point, food addiction is a little harder to quit than cigarettes.

I may bef ucked uo

But God hates me. I'm more than certain

Sent from my iPhone

Day 1 of Documentary

So I just got my über cool camera and I've been kind of missing around
with it and filming pointless shit and then I'm going to edit it later
to test out this software I downloaded. This is like my last kind of
"let loose" weekend. No more participating in Wet T-Shirt contests, no
more drinking because that chick I was talking to was actually a dude,
and definatly no more eating at like 11 at night when people try and
call my bluff at a late night Pinks run. Plus, now I have a camera to
record my stand up! Ha. Finally everyone can see how bad I am. So the
agenda for today is to buy a microphone for the fair stuff I'm going
to do. Later tonight, raging. Then tomorrow cure the hangover and eat
as much fried food as I can.

Sent from my iPhone

I feel gay...

this patient is playing "Beauty and the Beast" on the Piano next to my office, I fucking know the words...wow I'm gay. It's actually pretty though.


Update
Now he's playing some Little Mermaid tune. I think when she becomes a human??? i don't know. I'm gay, but not that gay

School...actually enjoyable

The first week of school finished wrapping up and now it's time for week two. There's something kind of retarded about the first day of class. I don't know about you guys, but I usually take a seat in the back of the class just so I can scope out who the hell is going to be in it, and who actually seems like cool to talk to. Then there's always a series of events that take place. The first is the "cute" person in class. Most of us guys always want to know if we are going to get some eye candy in class. Yes, I know that seems kind of juvenile but I'm telling you that I don't want to be stuck in class listening to a professor talk in words that I'm sure 95% of the class is not going to get, but will nod there head as the teacher makes eye contact with them, and not have anything else to look at. I'm sure most of you who read this blog can actually admit that you do this. I do, that's for sure. My philosophy teacher looked me right in the eye and said something in Greek and I just rubbed my chin while nodding yes and he smiled and gave me the thumbs up. Also, there's only so much texting underneath your backpack you can do. The next event that will occur is the dead silence. Everyone is in class, the teacher isn't quite there yet and you always have that one a-hole that will try and make a joke that no one will laugh at and make that guy feel like a total idiot. I am also that guy. The bad thing about college is that when you sign up for class, almost all of the students will sign up with a friend so they can help each other out and not deal with making new friends. Usually this comes in handy when teachers start talking about projects. That word is like a drug to people. Because when projects get mentioned, you immediately think group projects. I was sitting in photo and my teacher mention projects and almost simultaneously, these groups of girl’s eye-fuck each other and start doing baseball signs saying "will you be my partner" to their friends. Oh yeah, I know this ladies. I cracked the code the other night. I'm starting to crack all these codes you girls play with us guys. Like when we ask you if we can go have a guys night out and you have to check with the Mrs.. She has that tone in her voice that's like "Yeahh...go have fun with the guys. I'll stay at home tonight". What she's really saying is "You bet your ass you're going with the guys". It's true. I think women should have like a rattle like rattlesnakes just so we kind of know if we're about to make the wrong decision. "Hey Mike's right, your cousin is a little cute after the surgery" rattle rattle rattle "...cute in a Sloth from Goonies kind of way". In a way, I kind of hate group projects though. Maybe like one partner but that's it. You always get that kid in class who you give him or her their part to do and they always "forget" or say "they were busy at work" or "I just found out I have AIDS so I was just bummed this whole week". Excuses… Or you get the kid in class who seems to know everything about that subject. Which is a ridiculously douchey thing of them. Why take a class you already know? I have this kid in my philosophy class who tries to answer the question and then gets it completely wrong the entire time, But then he tries to argue that he's right. Um, I'm pretty sure the professor who has a PHD in this and has done numerous thesis's on this topic and actually teaches the class would probably kind of know what he's teaching. Oh and don't get my started on my other class. Jesus Christ it's like 4th grade. She makes us read some of the chapters in class out loud like we don't know how to read ourselves. The best is seeing people scramble and count how many kids are in front of them so they see what paragraph they have to read to see if it's long or short. You hear a bunch of "oh man's" when people get the long paragraph. I counted too back in the day. Then again, I know how to actually read now so I don't spend 15 minutes trying to annunciate the word island in 20 different ways like some of these other retards. But those are my classes so far and it's actually enjoyable.

Filming Begins This Saturday...

Alright, so we are gearing up to what is going to be a pretty exciting 4-6 months. And when I say we, I mean myself and my body. I know a lot of people are probably thinking "This is just going to be another one of Ricky's failed attempts at losing weight" and who knows. You might be right, you might not. After laying down the other night on a T-Rex foot (Yes, completely serious), everything that has been going on lately kind of motivated me to make this the best thing I can think of. There's a lot of stuff that attributed to my weight gain through my life like boredom, easy access to food, bad choices in food, a girlfriend, an ex-girlfriend (same person, you eat a lot when you're sad) everything. Well, it kind of has to stop and I gotta take more control of it. Obesity is the second leading cause of death in the U.S. On top of that 127 million Americans are over-weight and about 60 million are obese. I fall into that category. That's probably because my gut has grown with the increase of beer I've been drinking. But beer is delicious, I'm sure anyone can tell you that. However, I let myself go. As hard as it is to imagine, I used to be skinny way back in the day. I remember back when I was a semen, my head was big but my body was uber skinny. True story. There are a few reasons why I want to lose weight. Actually, 250 reasons (I think that's how much I weigh but we will find out after the weigh-in ceremony on Saturday). You're probably like "Holy shit that's a lot" and yeah it is. I could give the excuse saying "well I don't look like 250 pounds" but I think my man tits speak for themselves. As childish as it is, one of the main reasons I want to lose weight is to be able to regain my self-confidence. It's actually one of the main reasons. Instead of saying "Yeah my six-pack is in my cooler" and point to my gut, I want to be able to say "I brought the six-pack, who's ready to party" then lift my shirt up and cannon ball in a pool. I want to be able to crowd surf again and actually be moved instead of held up in the air and the kids dying underneath me. I want to be able to go to a show, hurry up on stage, and crowd surf. I kind of want the fat jokes to stop. Actually, i find them pretty hilarious. That I really don't mind but all in good fun. I have a lot of stuff planned I haven't told anyone yet and I really don't plan on until it goes through. I've been doing a lot of e-mailing and texting to certain people and I'm trying to get some familiar faces in this documentary, whether it be an interview, a workout partner, anything. So friends, 5 more days until the first shoot and Monday the 15th starts the intense workout and dieting. If you want to come to the weigh-in (But be forewarn, it's going to be a little nutty) this Saturday let me know. I was going to do a farewell party Sunday, but actually I might have my last meal at the fair. What better way to say good-bye to delicious food then ate a ton of it. Thanks to everyone who has e-mailed me, MySpace me, everything. I really do appreciate it and I actually plan on putting those e-mails and words of encouragement or discouragement in the documentary probably at the end. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

Untitled Fat to Skinny Documentary...

So I'm sitting at my school a little early to add a class so I figure
I'd blog about a project I'm working on. With my day job, I meet a ton
of bad ass people. From patients to caregivers, you meet a lot of
interesting people. Well I became pretty close to a patients husband,
and not in that way. Ok maybe a little but I've been lonely lately.
Anyhoozle, we've been having talks on being overweight and trying to
lose it and had a few jokes. It was then thought to make a small
independent documentary on me losing weight in the next few months. I
know I'm not the biggest person out there but I come pretty close. So
starting in 2 days I'm starting filming. I'm filming the good, the
bad, the nasty. I plan on speaking with doctors and maybe bring a
funny light to being overweight and the struggles that come with it
like looking for sizes you thought would fit you, trying to talk to
the opposite sex, finally seeing my old buddy Mr. Penis again, and
getting accepted into the finer things in life like society. You see,
heavy people are always shunned from the pretty and the skinny. It's a
fact. Honestly, I wouldn't want to take off my shirt around my friends
because
1) They'll make fun of me
2) I'd have to somehow explain my stretch marks are actually tiger
claws because I saved a baby from one
3) My self confidence is pretty low about my weight
That's pretty much just a little sum of what I'm doing so if you see
me with a camera, you're probably going to be in it. Time for class.

xoxo
-Ricky

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