My Thoughts to Your Response

Holy shit, I did not think I would get a lot of you to actually e-mail me or send me a message through Myspace with a million topics. Literarily, I counted a million. It took me all day. Um…so let’s see, where should I start….

“Why don’t you talk about lesbians”…Steph
I’ve only lived about 22 years on this earth and at the ripe old age of 13, when I first saw my first pair of giant big gulps (boobs, double whoppers, bahama mammas), I came to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people on the earth. You either love lesbians, or you kind of like them. That’s it. If you say you don’t like it, I’d call you a liar. Lesbians are by far the greatest group of people in my eyes. Even greater then strippers, but I digress. There’s nothing more beautiful than a women. Unless you know, she’s like 87 with saggy boobs and f-ed up teeth and can honestly admit she invented the hand job. Women are beautiful. Guys know it, girls know it, God knows it, Ronald McDonald knows it, Mayor McCheese knows it, and everyone knows it. See, there’s stuff about women that guys can never amount to. As best said by my awesome friend Dom, “Women have vaginas and we control the universe”. You girls have the option to smell like anything in the world and that excites me. One day you can smell like vanilla bean ice cream, the next you can smell like green apples. You guys can no joke, smell like I’m walking into a bakery and I love it. On top of that, you have all these moisturizers and creams and lotions that make your skin feel smoother than my greasy face. Then you have boobs and asses. It’s a Tri-fecta of absolute stunning-ness. So what makes a woman better? Adding another one into the mix. See, that’s why lesbians are probably the best thing on this earth. I would give my life, just to see you chicks go at it. Sure, call me a perv, call me a freak, hell call me a creep, but there’s something about two girls enjoying each other’s company and I love that, America loves it, and other lesbians love it. Almost as much as I love cheeseburgers. You know what they say, 4 boobs are better than 2. I’m all for the lesbians so let it be written, so let it be done.

” uuum uum, strip club blues, sitting in traffic, orange sticks ,azn drivers, old driversuuum, john cusak, girls that dance with ONLY their girl friends at clubs, blacks that talk way to much about god knows what, growing up ,growing nuts, guy rollerskaters, gay rollerskaters, why girls dress slutty but swear their notuuum, good movies staring nobodies, changing up your life schedule, starting a HXC acoustic band, blow job marathons, justin timberlake”…Drew

God Damn Drew…I don’t even know where to start…Um…I’ve been wanting to vent about Justin Timberlake for the longest time so I’ll svtart off there. Justin Timberlake is the biggest cock block I know. I don’t know him personally per say, but he’s cock blocked me as well as everyone other guy on this earth. So obviously you know that Justin is trying to bring sexy back. But why does he have to bring it back the way he’s doing it? The dude can dance, sing, has great looks, and great personality. I can’t compete with that. Justin, if you ever run into this blog, I can’t compete with you and you’re making it hard to get mine. I just don’t get why he doesn’t help out the common man. Couldn’t bringing sexy back add like maybe a couple of pimples, slight round belly, maybe being a nerd? I don’t get why he has to outdo us and dance and sing and whatnot. So come on Justin, help out your common man. Stop cock blocking me with your toe tapping and incredible singing.

For the hardcore acoustic band, I want to be called Acousticore (If you click the link, it's actually little project I did like 2 years ago haha) and I want our first single to be called “I support drunk driving because if you crash your car and killed a baby, you might have killed baby Hitler and saved the world one more time from harm” or ISDDBIYCYCAKABYMHKBHASTWOMTFH for short.
I’ll get on the rest later Drew, that’s a lot of stuff…

“Hey, I want to hear your thoughts on either the current state of Russian political affairs, viable public transportation options for the urban and greater Los Angeles region, or possible solutions to California’s budget crisis. Yours Forever, Michael D. Joy”

First off Mr. Joy, I’m glad you asked. I’ll start with Russia. Russia… the cold land, abundance of vodka, and mail-order brides. Nothing can be better than current day Russia. And who do we have to thank, Russian politics. You see Michael, as I’m sure you are already aware, Russia has insured that all powers in the country is Presidential. You can thank ex-president Vladmir Putin. You’re probably asking yourself “What the fuck does that mean” and I can honestly tell you, I have no idea. I just Wikipedia it to make myself look like I know what I’m talking about. I know that the new president Dmitry Medvedev just bought a bunch of new weapons in response to us arming Georgia. What does that mean? Who knows, maybe another cold war. I just know is that I’m scared as shit because I don’t want to have some Russian come to my country and after shooting a friend telling me “If he dies, he dies” like that dude in Rocky. That’s scary in itself.
I’m going to tie in the Californian budget and public transportation into one. As being a fellow Southern Californian, transportation is probably the biggest issue here. There are too many illegal aliens driving so that screws us who have a real license and didn’t buy it off Jose from McArthur Park. The best thing that I’ve taken is the Metro. The Metro is the best thing I’ve ever done. Need to go to Hollywood, jump on the Metrolink and take the Metro Gold line for like 5 bucks. That saves you so much money in gas. What can you do with that saved money? Probably buy pot. And where you can buy pot? From 7-11 because the state should legalize Marijuana and tax it so it would help cut down the state budget crises. I’m going to go ahead and say it already, Arnold (our governator) is a moron. He couldn’t be any more retarded. The Retarded Policeman from YouTube can run this state a whole lot better than this guy. These lawmakers are stupid because their way of “trying to fix the crisis” is by raising College Tuition. If us college kids weren’t broke already from buying pot, there’s no way in hell we can afford to go to school. So how does raising my school tuition and me dropping out as well as other kids who can’t afford school, get the state money? If we drop out from school, and no offense to anyone, I’m probably going to end of being a lifer at Footlocker or Disneyland getting paid a ridiculously low amount of money degrading myself to little shit kids who want to ride Little Nemo 8 times in a row and scream and cry about it. Why not lower tuition, which will in turn cause more people to go to school and get a degree and obtain a good career with a high paying salary, then tax the hell out of us once we are rich and established. We’ll have a good job, so we won’t care and thus getting the state money. But I’m a 22 year old Hispanic male so what do I know. I’m supposed to be a farm worker.

“How’s the single life working out and what do you look for in a girl?”….Jennifer

Well Jennifer thanks for taking the time to e-mail. According to a comment I saw in the last blog, I’m a lesbian so I’ll tell you what I look for in the same sex. While I was having “girl-talk” over the weekend, I was told I have high-expectations. I denied it at first, but after looking at myself, I have expectations. Obviously, looks have somewhat of an importance because as a girl, and my other sista’s can agree, it takes a woman 15 seconds to determine if she’s going to sleep with you. So, you gotta look good at that first impression. Honestly though, I’m really not all that picky. I like a girl who likes long walks on the beach, reading mystery novels by a fireplace, and feeding bon-bons to one another while listening to Rod Stewarts “If you think I’m sexy”. If you can tell from this blog, a girl who has a great sense of humor is a huge plus to me. There are maybe a few girls that can honestly make me laugh ridiculously hard in my life. Obviously a chick who’s not a psycho would add to the mix. Someone who doesn’t mind being spontaneous once in a while instead of sitting at home watching re-runs of the Simpsons, although that too is great. Tattoos, glasses, and piercings are perfect. I feel like I’m writing a profile for Match.com. That has to be last thing any single guy or girl needs to do before just going to the garage and hanging yourself. That or Craigslist. I usually find my dates on Craigslist under Missed Connections. For those who don’t know, Missed Connections is where you go to write about someone you wanted to have a connection with in a real life situation but you let it slip. So you come to this part of the site in hopes of fate coming into play and having that very same person go on there and reading what you wrote. 100% of the time, it’s going to be a person of the opposite sex just trying to find love. And that’s where I go to take advantage of it. There was this posting that said “You: In line at Vons on Sunset and La Brea. Hispanic, maybe in your 20’s. Me: White shirt that day and behind you while you were picking out fruit and I was over hearing your funny phone conversation” so I replied back, knowing it wasn’t me and faked the whole thing e-mailing her “Oh my god, that’s so strange I knew you would be writing on here” and had the greatest weekend ever. I eventually just told her that I was moving to Iraq to fight the war on terror. So now my buddy gets nudy pictures of this chick while he’s in the army, and I’m left with the memories. It’s a win win. But I’m basically just looking for a cool chick who’s into music, artsy stuff, and being cool.

There’s a bunch more of you that sent me e-mails and stuff on myspace so I’ll be checking those out later on.
iBlogBetterThanYourMom@gmail.com

xoxo
-Ricky
Currently Listening to
Vampire Weekend