I really need to get this off my chest...

Ok...for once in my life, I'm actually embarrased for being Hispanic. Now, before you criticize me and give me a bunch of flap for not being proud of my race, imagine this. An Overweight 45-50 year old woman wearing a size 82 shirt and size 2 pants, dressing like a 15 year old, has super hot pink make-up on, has short unevened razored hair that looks like it was trying to be bleech but pretty much damaged every inch of her scalp, and smells like salsa and stinky burrito. Honestly, how can you be proud of that. Almost 62% of hispanic women tend to look like that. I'm sorry, it's just not right. Now, I'm not woman bashing at all don't get me wrong, most of the Hispanic men aren't even better. For starters, how about every 45-82 year old man tends to wear anything alligator related. Alligator shoes, belts, hats...alligator lined shirts and pants and an alligator wallet to complete the ensemble. Why the hell do Mexicans like alligator? There's no alligators in the country of Mexico! Is that like in the unwritten "Being a Mexican" handbook? Then to top it off, they whistle at any chicks 10-99. Girl's playing chinese jump-rope, whistled at. Girls walking down the street, whistled at. Girls shopping, whistled at. Girls eating, whistled at. Girls taking a dump, whistled at. I don't f-in get it. They make a lot of us look bad. Now, I'm hispanic. I may be a little white washed because well, I don't know any other hispanic that actually publically annouces they write a blog every other day, but because I have brown skin, I tend to hear the "why do your people do that chee chee sound when they are trying to get our attention". It's not MY people, it's them. I have nothing to do with it. I feel your pain. I'm sorry hispanic men "chee chee", whistle, gawk, and pretty much the equivalent of a silent orgasim in front of you. I'm really sorry. I used to work at Home Depot and I used to get all the gardeners and electricians whistle and "chee chee" us to get our attention. So I kinda know, but I don't know what it feels like to be Eye-Raped by someone. Yes, I just said eye-Raped. I'm just fed up with this. Please, if you are hispanic and fall into one of these categories, knock it off. Honestly, you're not helping us nor yourself doing this kinda stuff. You don't look hot, nor cute. The whole hot pink or neon make-up, knock it off. The alligator stuff, knock it off. That may fly in Mexico, but not in America my friends. Adios everyone...

-Ricky

While people can't afford houses...

I just bought myself a brand new car. Ah, the smell of the new car. It's amazing. Not like the one spray they give you at the car wash. The actual smell of a brand new car. It feels good to finally have a new car. I've been driving a 2000 GMC Sonoma for the past 3-4years. It's been through some rough times. When I first got the car off my uncle, it had already 90,000 Miles. Yeah, what a bargin I know. Since then, I've tacked on another 110,000 miles on it. I rode it like a beast. Sure it was a lemon, but damn did it see some exciting times. I have some proud dents on it. The one that was the best was the one in the front of the car when SOMEONE WHO WILL BE NOT BE NAMED HAHAAHA decided to walk on top of the car. I know she still feels bad to this day but it was one of the funniest things I've seen. Anways, so I bought a new car. It's pretty awesome. I'm happy that things are looking up for me. I'm gonna pimp the SHIT out of this car. Not really but I'm gonna get some fancy tint and maybe rims. ha. I'll be rollin on DUBS too. Good times on my end.

Another exciting night....

Just sitting here watching Camp Rock with my sister. Seriously, you
know you are a loser when this happens. Ah, life...you always screw me.

Anyhoozle...plan on writing some stuff for the documentary and getting
a basic layout of everything. I really dont know if this is actually
going to go through or not. I talk a lot but I dont know if I can pull
it through. I just kinda want everything back in order the way it was.
My life changed 8 months ago and I'm trying to get it back, I guess
thats why I'm doing the film. To kinda fill the space of knowing for
sure whether or not things will go back to reality. I'm pretty sure
you'll see my transition if the film actually goes through. I was a
complete dick to someone for something i couldn't handle and it
changed me. If I can tie a running theme, dont give up on something so
easily. I haven't and I'm waiting to see the final outcome of my
mistake. So this film will get made eventually. In due time my friends.

-Ricky

Sent from my iPhone

One Hot Day...

Its 109 outside...what the hell. At least that's what it says. I sweat
easily, so it doesnt help that its hot. I think I'm just going to go
back to the gym and just workout again since I'm sweating already.
I've had a ton of free time on my hand so I've been to the gym
everyday since last week. Hopefully I can lose some of this gut. So
far so good. Anygay, I wrote out the basic premise for the documentary
and once I actually start filming I'll start going full throttle on
kidding the word out. Anyhizzle...thats life right now. Still bummin
it and working on the site.

-Ricky

Sent from my iPhone

A common fat person problem..

Chub rub..seriously, worse thing ever. I worked out last night and I was doing the Tony Little Gazzle thing at the gym and I don't know if I just have big thighs or what, but my chub rub is hurting. I feel like I just got dragged on carpet and then whipped on my inner thigh. Anyways, when I walk, I look like a dirty mexican penguin. I don't even know if there's even mexican penguins

Life Update...

So it's been a pretty hard week with some things going on. I don't really want to go into great length about what happened but someone extremelly close passed away the other night. I've been around that before when my uncle died back in 96, so I'm alright. It's just, now that I'm older you tend to realize what you've accomplished and where you're headed with the current pace you're living. I don't think I've accomplished much in my life and I really have to change it. The only thing I really feel like I've accomplished was finding someone that I truely would want to spend the rest of my life with and right now, that ship is kinda sailing away from me. But what are you going to do? That's life. I've been hearing time heals all and at first, never believed it. I've never had the luck of the draw with that kind of stuff. But who knows. My gut instinct says it'll be alright, and most of the time it's right, but there's always a first for everything.

So last night I was watching Last Comic Standing. It was hilarious. I've done stand up a few times, like maybe a total of 5 or 6. Mostly Open Mic's and two openers but nothing really fancy. I really don't have a fan base and I haven't done it in like 3 months. So I've cut back. Something about last night kinda sparked it for me. I don't know if it was watching Sam the Armenian Comedian choke on tv or it was watching the guy from Israel make it to the top 15 or 20 or whatever it is, but it got me to thinking. For years my buddy Dave has always joked about recording my life cause of all the problems and odd situations that arise. And I'm actually thinking about doing a 30 day documentary about me getting from a nobody to a somebody. My ex was always supportive of whatever I've done and I think I ran that by her once and she was all for it. So maybe I should do it. I just kinda need to write out a draft. It's going to be hard since I work full-time but I think I can get it done. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do or how this is going to come about. Hell, I don't even have the equipment to make a decent movie, just my sister's camcorder. Maybe that's all I really need. I can make like Cloverfield/Blair Witch-esque kind of movie. I just don't want to make everyone throw up. Anyways, if you want to help holler at me, if you just want to wish me luck, by all means give me a shout out and thank you ahead of time. I've been getting a lot of e-mails about topics and relationship stuff to talk about so I'll get back to those soon. I'm going to spend the next few hours trying to figure out what I'm going to do. Adios and holler.

-Ricky

Trying to open up...

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down..."--Woody Alan

I'm sure most of you have probably been in love one time or another and can kind of relate to this quote. Love is confusing, kinda like a rubiks cube. No matter what way you try to turn things, you're always going to be fustrated with your end result. Well, until you find a quick handed asian to show you the way. And I'm talking about the asian who shows you a rubiks cube, not the Da Nang Hooker from Full Metal Jacket. Eventually after time and practice on it, you'll get an end result and finally be able to have that sigh of relief. I guess what I'm trying to say is that time is pretty much all you need with love. Some take more time to find things and will go over different twists. Who knows, maybe they had the right turn all along and didn't know it. I know one time I spent like 8 hours playing Contra on Nintendo and I had the right code for 30 lives but I wasn't putting it in right.

So Ryan in Chicago, thanks for the e-mail buddy. I wish you well and I'm surprised you found this blog.

Angel game tonight. F U Mets.

-Ricky

P.S. For anyone that doesn't know that Contra code it's up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right B, A..haha

Good things come to those who wait...

Alright, so my last post was kind of a venting/emo-ish type deal. After listening to a lot of The Early November and playing some Brand New on the guitar, I thought a ton of what is going on. So my friends, it's time to focus on the finer things in life. I can't sit there and cry about good guys finishing last and if things are going to change. Nope, not this time. And nope, I'm not going to go out and drink away my problems like I usually do so no hardcore partying because even then, I felt like a hooker looking for love in all the wrong places. So what does this entail? It means a better blog, better looking site, better everything. I have some things planned for this site that I really want to focus on and kinda make it a reflection of myself. Of course, I'll put everything in a funny light. It won't just be retarded stories or my personal opinions. I plan on going all out and hopefully this will somehow reach new people in different places. So if you want to help out, spread the word, leave comments, e-mail me at iBlogBetterThanYourMom@gmail.com. This site is going to be my own personal mistress and I plan on giving it all the loving I can. Not in that way. Til the next post....

-Ricky

When it rains...it pours...in novacaine

So today probably is one of the worst days I've been having. First off, good guys do finish last. Don't ever let anyone fool you with that. I wonder who said that and why they would say it. Was it some sad cry baby emo kid? Or was it some bad ass mo fo trying to say something funny but when it came out, it was probably one of the douchiest things he said. And bad ass guys are kind of douche bags. It's one of those sayings that just don't make any sense sometimes. Like comedian Nick Thune
says "was there really an abundance of birds and a shortage of stones?" Anygay, so obviously not a good day. Then to top it off, I had to go to the Dentist. I think it's an American Tradition to pretty much hate the dentist. I don't really know one person who enjoys going to the dentist office, except for maybe my dentist and that's because he gets paid to rip up your mouth like a rock of coke. It must really suck to have a job where no one wants to see you. That's like being the Hilary Clinton of your profession, no one gives a shit about you. That's probably why they take it out on us and scold us to brush better. Oh well, life's a mean bitch.

Alright...What's Up with the Fatties?

Don't know what is wrong with the world thinking fat people are to blame for every problem, but we are all getting yelled at and well...measuring up to the problem. A couple hilarious stories have popped up within the past few days. For one, gas prices are screwing us over like the Celtics screwed the Lakers from winning a championship. So what does a major airline try to decide to do? They decide to weigh you. Yes that's right. For every extra pound of blubber you have attached to you, they are going to tax on an extra fee to your ticket. Now, this may be a good idea at first, seeing as this is a huge motivation for people to lose the chub rub they so dearly hate and try to knock off a few pounds. But in the long wrong, it's going to hurt the economy. 62% percent of americans are either over weight or obese. You know what this could to do the food economy? Restaurants would be out of business with people cracking at the pressure of being embarrassed to be weighed at an airport. People would be out of a job and have their families starve, which might actually help them lose weight and not get a fee so that's kind of a pro, but still it's not fair. Imagine all the uneaten Twinkies and bags of Cooler Ranch Doritos that will be sitting there in the store. It's an American tradition to be overweight and who wants to break tradition? People who are un-American. So these airlines are un-american and might be terrorist. So if you don't want to support terrorism, keep on eating fatty and let that scale rise and get to the point where it says "To Be Continued". Wow, I totally spun that around. Fox news should hire me.

A Good Plot for Oceans 14

Well turns out there was a jewelry heist over the weekend and what was stolen was none other than the Super Bowl rings for the NY Giants. They just never get a break do they? Obviously the prime suspects are the Patriots since they are pissed about he loss still. But I also heard reports of OJ trying to get it. Although, he would probably write a book about how he would have done it. I don't get what the point is to steal Super Bowl rings anyways. It's not like Eli Manning is going to walk into a pawn shop and sell it off. What retards. The theifs, not Eli. I think we all know Eli is a retard.

The Germans Scare me

So apparently there's some new swimsuit speedo that makes you swim quicker than a dolphin, or in Germany, a Zepplin. This swimsuit, called the The LZR Racer, is making swimmers break world records. I don't know if it's because it makes you look like a superhero and gives you super human speed or if it just stops the other swimmers in awe because it makes your junk look 20 times bigger. Regardless, the Germans scare the crap out of me. I was reading an article about Team Germany and their reactions to the suit and what they said kinda feels like some Chinese are going to die during the Olympics. A German was questioned about how he felt the suit would do at the Olympics. This is what was translated no lie..."I really feel that this suit will not only help us win the gold back to the Deutschland, but also we will destroy the competition. We will beat them to a pathetic pulp in which they will ask for mercy. We will be the one true race that will win the competition. Forever Deutschland"...so what the hell does that mean? I have no clue but it could only mean the rebirth of Hitler or another set of those stupid little mustaches that he had...kinda like what the Yankees have right now

Finally, a new one...

So I haven't written any blogs in a while because I've been kind of wrapped up in baseball this past two weeks. I swear, I'm addicted to it right now. It's almost as addicting as Heroin or Kool-Aid. I wish everything worked like a baseball game. It would be awesome. I'd want to be like paying for stuff at a store and have a group of people cheer me on with Da Da Da Dannn Da Dannnn CHARRRRGGEEE!!! Or I'll be at church and the priest is like "Matthew 2:12 And God said.." another priest runs out from the pew and runs up to the front. "Alright Father, pack it up. We're gonna sit you out on this one" The other Priest is like "Come on, I got another sermon in me Brother" "Nah, we're gonna bring in the new guy from Nigeria. We need someone to get this crowd going. Hit the holy water Father". Priest walks off all pissed. That's what life needs. It needs someone to toss a beach ball and heckle people out of no where. I would give a million bucks to anyone who would heckle and chant crap at me while I was eating or something. Actually, I wouldn't give a million because I don't have that much. Maybe like $5 or something. Anygay, baseball, gotta love it.